The Vertigo Monologues: Archive

2 tags

Feb 1st

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Jan 31st

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“Bye weeks. Pssh. Bronko Nagurski didn’t get no bye weeks, and now...”

– Moe Szyslak

Jan 31st

monkeyfrog asked: CARY STREET IS THE BEST STREET THAT WAS EVER PAVED.

Jan 31st

3 notes

4 tags

Jan 31st

6 notes

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Jan 31st

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Jan 30th

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“I swear to God this guy’s one scotch away from being Ron Burgundy.”

– Jon Stewart on Chris Matthews after his comment that he forgot Barack Obama was black for an hour.

Jan 29th

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Jan 28th

5 tags

Jan 28th

1 tag

Jan 28th

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Jan 28th

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Jan 27th

18 notes

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Jan 27th

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PETA calls for robotic groundhog to replace... →

Sure, it sounds like a good idea* but what happens if there’s a mistake in the robot groundhog’s firmware and we end up with six extra months of winter? Then what, PETA? *No it doesn’t.

Jan 27th

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Jan 27th

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Jan 27th

64 notes

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Jan 27th

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What is the absolute worst movie you've ever seen?

(Some of you know where I’m eventually going with this, so please make different suggestions than you did in previous years.)

Jan 26th

3 tags

Jan 26th

8 notes

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I watched Four Rooms last night for the first time...

Margaret: Hi, Ted. I'm Margaret. You sound down. Is your New Year's not starting off well?
Ted the Bellhop: No, Margaret. This New Year's Eve is not starting off well! This one is going pretty fucking badly!
Margaret: How come?
Ted the Bellhop: Well, Betty leaves me to run this entire hotel by myself. And first thing, right off the bat, I get fucked by a coven of witches!
Margaret: You got fucked by an oven full of witches?
Ted the Bellhop: A *coven* of *witches*! Well, one witch in particular!
Margaret: Ted, was she an old hag with a mole on her face with hair growing out of it?
 [takes a hit from her bong]
Ted the Bellhop: No, no, no, she was very beautiful.
Margaret: [coughs] Ted... what's the problem?
Ted the Bellhop: Well... admittedly, that was the best part of the evening. It was pretty bloody good, actually... but it's still a pretty unnerving way to start off the night!
Margaret: Sounds like a pretty great way to start off the night to me.
Ted the Bellhop: Why don't we just skip over the witches?
Margaret: Skipping the witches...

Jan 26th

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Pensioner astonished by 'double banana' →

The actual story linked here is pretty banal, so I would suggest not clicking on it and instead imagining all the disturbing things for which “double banana” could be a euphemism.

Jan 25th

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Nobody stole me anything from Hotel Vertigo?

At least nobody’s notified me if they did. WTF, internet? I thought we were friends.

Jan 25th

1 tag

Jan 25th

4 notes

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Quiet Girl

I would liken you To a night without stars Were it not for your eyes. I would liken you To a sleep without dreams Were it not for your songs. —Langston Hughes

Jan 25th

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Jan 23rd

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Jan 22nd

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Jan 22nd

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Jan 22nd

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My grapes are a little bit sour

I’m really not that upset I couldn’t make it to San Francisco for the tweetup because it just wasn’t feasible for me, but it’s going to bug me all weekend to read about everyone staying in Hotel Vertigo. Seriously, somebody’s got to steal acquire something with the hotel name on it and send it to me.

Jan 22nd

3 tags

Feds Move to Keep Big Snakes off Planes, out of US... →

There are at least two MF-bombs missing from this headline.

Jan 21st

7 notes

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Jan 21st

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Jan 20th

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Jan 20th

17 notes

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Jan 20th

11 notes

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Jan 20th

13 notes

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So We're All Crazy?

whytluda: Woman, without her, man is a savage. Woman, without her man, is a savage. my teacher dropped this old trick today in class to point out how tiny, minute details can changed everything. not sure how it relates to graphics, but it jolted me out of my zombie like attention level for a quick, hot, sweaty, trashy second. No, this would only imply that your teacher is heterosexist.

Jan 19th

4 tags

inthefade: thisistheglamorous: Faith No More...