Netflix Self-Torture Experiment Trilogy #1 - Speed 2: Cruise Control

So, it begins again… I’m starting the third self-torture experiment with this movie because it was the only double suggestion, coming from both brilliantorange and milkglassmao/@bsheepies.

Synopsis from Netflix: Sandra Bullock, reprising the role that launched her into Hollywood’s upper echelon, sails into trouble aboard the Seaborn Legend in this high-octane sequel. Elated when her beau (Jason Patric) surprises her with tickets for a Caribbean cruise, Bullock finds herself and fellow passengers in dire straits after the ship’s recently axed computer whiz (Willem Dafoe) sets the liner on a deadly course. Can the lovebirds stop the runaway vessel in time?

My thoughts (spoilers included): Okay, put aside for a moment the astronomically long odds that Sandra Bullock’s character would end up on a second runaway vehicle which is headed for disaster. That’s obviously a pretty implausible scenario but it’s not the dumbest part of Speed 2.

My biggest problem with this movie is the villain: Willem Dafoe apparently invented the computer navigation systems for a cruise ship company but, when he developed some rare disease from the computers’ copper wiring, they fired him. In these circumstances most people would just file a wrongful termination lawsuit and collect boatloads of cash (pun intended), but not our boy Willem—he decides to remotely hijack a cruise ship and guide it toward an oil rig. Hey, you know, either plan is good.

Our villain’s master scheme unfortunately didn’t take in to account the presence of Jason Patric who, as a member of the LAPD, is somehow an expert at cruise ship controls and a badass to boot. He is able to avoid the ultimate disaster by diverting and crashing the ship in to a populated marina town, undoubtedly killing many people and causing millions of dollars in damages. Oh, and the oil rig eventually blows up anyway because Willem Dafoe flies his plane in to it trying to escape. It’s like a Michael Bay movie without the gratuitous T&A.

All of that being said, this film did have some decent (if unrealistic) action sequences and some high-tense drama. It’s not enough to make me say that I liked it but it’s enough for me to give it a rating of [Two out of five stars].