Netflix Self-Torture Experiment Trilogy #19: Dragon Wars
This was a suggestion from oledocweirdbeard. He was pretty insistent that it’s awful and I’m tempted to agree with him after reading the synopsis.
Synopsis from Netflix: An ancient Korean legend forms the basis for this action-oriented tale of Armageddon set in present-day Los Angeles, where reporter Ethan Kendrick (Jason Behr) investigates a series of inexplicable disasters plaguing the city. Fortunately for the citizenry, legend has it that Ethan is the incarnation of an ancient warrior destined to team with the modern counterpart (Amanda Brooks) of his eternal beloved to protect the city from imminent doom.
My thoughts (including idiotic spoilers): Umm, what? Even after reading the synopsis and watching the movie, I’m still not sure what the fuck was going on. An ancient Korean legend somehow re-manifests itself in three random white people in Los Angeles and they get chased around by a dragon, not to mention an army of seemingly invincible soldiers and a bunch of dinosaur-type creatures (some of which are armed with missiles for some reason). Tons of destruction occurs but the two main characters are able to escape it because they possess an ancient artifact which protects them. Towards the end there’s a bizarre scene where it seems like all is doomed but then a second dragon appears and defeats the evil dragon and apparently takes the soul of Amanda Brooks for a future reunion with Jason Behr (500 years down the road).
The real disappointment for me, though, was the lack of anything resembling a “holy shit” moment. Movies like this, even when they’re bad, can still briefly grab your attention with crazy instances of people being devoured or decapitated. (See Anaconda or Pterodactyl for examples.) All this film had was dragons smashing buildings, cars, and helicopters. Who gives a shit? I want to see somebody get their arm ripped off or something. This was just lame. [One out of five stars.]
