Netflix Self-Torture Experiment Trilogy #20: Shanghai Surprise

This was a suggestion from @chicarmoire, who also suggested a Madonna movie last year. If she does it again next year, I may stop being her friend.

Synopsis from Netflix: Madonna plays an unlikely missionary nurse, Gloria Tatlock, to Sean Penn’s bounty hunter, Glendon Wasey, in this romantic adventure helmed by Jim Goddard. It’s 1937, and Gloria’s searching for opium to administer to her patients. When she hires Glendon to accompany her on a quest to track down a wayward shipment of the medicine, they find much more than the drugs — including loads of intrigue, trouble and, despite their differences, love.

My thoughts (spoilers included, but who really gives a shit?): Holy crap this movie was boring. Essentially it was just an endless string of finding informants who can lead them to other informants who can eventually lead them to a shitload of opium. “Go see China Doll, she can tell you about Faraday’s Flowers.” “Joe Go will lead you to Wu Tan Chi.” “The Last Phoenix means something about something.” You get sick of this after about 45 minutes, and then you have to sit through another 45 minutes of it. To no one’s surprise, even after harassment by the police and a couple of double-crosses, Sean Penn and Madonna ultimately get their sweet, sweet opium and fall in love while doing so.

Whatever. I expected this movie to be shitty so I’m not disappointed. What I didn’t expect was to discover George Harrison’s extensive involvement with the film. Seriously, check the Wikipedia page:

Shanghai Surprise was produced by George Harrison’s HandMade Films and distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Harrison appeared as a night club singer, and also recorded several songs for the film’s soundtrack including the song “Breath Away From Heaven”, which was re-recorded and released on his album Cloud Nine along with the song “Someplace Else”, another track used in the film. The soundtrack for Shanghai Surprise was never released as a record or CD, and was only briefly available as a promotional single featuring the title song “Shanghai Surprise” and “Zig Zag”[1]. Both of these songs have since been released as “additional tracks” on the 2004 release of the “Cloud Nine” CD. Another track, “The Hottest Gong in Town”, was included on “Songs by George Harrison Volume 2”.

I haven’t been this disappointed with a Beatle since Ringo took 25 years to write back to Marge Simpson. [One out of five stars.]