The Vertigo Monologues

Netflix Self-Torture Experiment Trilogy #54: Good Luck Chuck

I’ve got a terrible feeling about this movie, in that I feel like it will be terrible.

Synopsis from Netflix: Every time unlucky-in-love Chuck (Dane Cook) breaks up with a girlfriend, that girl ends up engaged to her next boyfriend. So soon enough, women are knocking on Chuck’s door … hoping that after enduring a few dates with him, they’ll meet Mr. Right. The gamble works out better for the ladies than it does for Chuck. But when he meets klutzy penguin trainer Cam (Jessica Alba), Chuck realizes he has to stop being a way station on the path to love.

My thoughts: I’ve pointed out previously that I really have nothing new to say about the formulaic romantic comedy, and that hasn’t changed. Instead, I’ll focus on some aspects of this movie that were surprising and/or confusing (and not in a good way):

Jessica Alba doing slapstick is not something that should ever be attempted again. Not only is it not funny, it’s downright annoying after the first two or three times it happens.
Why is Dane Cook trying to act? (Okay, I guess I already know the answer to that question. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that Dane Cook is not a good actor.)
This movie had an almost Porky’s level of gratuitous nudity which I did not expect.
Perhaps the most disturbing thing I’ve seen in quite a while happened as the credits were rolling. I really wish I was making this up, but I saw it with my own two eyes and I was stone-cold sober: Dane Cook performing cunnilingus and anilingus on a stuffed penguin. (As if that weren’t bad enough, now my Google search history permanently has “analingus” stored in it because I wanted to make sure I was correctly spelling the term. Damn you, Dane Cook!)

[One out of five stars.]