Netflix Self-Torture Experiment Trilogy #64 - Jaws: The Revenge
I forget who first told me about how bad this movie was, but it got a shitload of Razzie nominations back in 1988 so it must be really terrible.
Synopsis from Netflix: The long-suffering wife (Lorraine Gary) of Chief Brody decides she’s had enough of Amity Island and hikes it to the Caribbean to join her son Michael (Lance Guest), her daughter-in-law and her grandchild. But that pesky shark (or is it the shark’s mate?) follows her south and begins to wreak havoc in the azure seas of the Gulf Stream. Michael Caine co-stars in a role that owes something to the Quint character of the Spielberg original.
My thoughts: Since it’s April Fool’s Day, I contemplated the idea of pretending to like this movie right up until the end of the review but I can’t pull that off convincingly…it’s just ludicrous on so many levels that I can’t feign interest at all. I’m not even sure I can properly enumerate all the ways this film sucked, but I’ll try.
- How exactly can a shark target an entire family? It might conceivably be plausible if it was just direct descendants (because of some kind of scent or something), but not a random niece. Come to think of it, Brody’s wife shouldn’t even be a target since she would have come from a different original gene pool.
- How in the hell can a great white shark track a family from Amity Island to the fucking Caribbean? It’s a completely different habitat for Christ’s sake!
- How is Mrs. Brody able to have flashbacks to events which she never witnessed in the first place?
- How exactly did they kill the shark in the end? They had a plan to “confuse” it, but then Mrs. Brody had a flashback to the death scene from the original Jaws and all of a sudden the shark died. What the fuck?
The one positive thing I’ll say about Jaws: The Revenge is that it was funny to see Mario Van Peebles get bitten by a shark. [One out of five stars.]
